Pain of Separation


Take your broken heart, make it into art.

Princess Leia

Is it the stellium in Pisces?
Mars and Venus,
the lovers floating in the waters,
that know no boundaries.
Or the fact that only two weeks ago,
I was touching and hugging Ones,
so close,
like never before.
The pain of separation,
now lurking behind the door.

I need flesh to touch,
eyes to gaze at,
unfamiliar scents mixed with sweat,
the breeze of someone’s breath.
I want to feel my heart,
feel your heart,
against mine.
The surprise,
the fear,
the yearning,
of my known,
in your unknown.
for the Kingdom/Queendom,
I truly belong.

According to Alex Vartman I am in the hangover period of a peak orgasm, which lasts up to seventeen days, when the Oxytocin levels in the blood start to get to normal levels. I’m on day fourteen. A hormone also known as cuddle or love hormone, Oxytocin is released when people snuggle up or bond socially with each other. Not through the internet, but through touch. Why do we not touch anymore? When did it become unacceptable? A man touching a woman, a woman touching a woman, a woman touching a man, the silent dance of energy in between.

Just before each session of our training in Tantra and Tao bodywork, our teacher Mal made us connect through Tantric rituals as eye gazing, touch, smell. And when we did, and it was time, he asked us to step back, feel the pain of separation and bring it into our hearts.

That week I stepped in and out many times, into the scents, skins and magnetic fields of many souls. With each step back, I understood and accepted the pain of separation as my core pain.

The day life was created, we separated from the Source and this pain became something we have to learn to live with. No addiction, possession, or amount of self love could really cure that. As soon as we are at the peak of something, we can see its shadow only one step behind our back.

So better be humble, accept it as part of being human, and look for my people. Cause I need another’s warm skin, deep soul, sweet smile to produce oxytocin. I need friends, lovers, dance partners who are willing to touch, cuddle and keep me close. I need nomads, soul families, sisters, brothers, other people to whom I belong.

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